Evil Owns All!
by Kidlet350
Summary: Warning: may contain random pairings, bad guys, sudden death, and smexy, shirtless men! Do not read if you are prone to heart attacks, bad headaches, the common cold, and or aracnophobia! You have been warned...


**Author: Kidlet350**

**Disclamer: Sadly, I do not own Naruto :(...**

Evil vs. Yaoi

The sun was shining brightly in the cloudless sky. Many people of the Leaf Village heard the surprising news and it spread around quicker than butter on hot toast. It was almost safe to say that the whole village was out of control. The only person that didn't know what had happened was their very own teammate.

Two men, namely Shikamaru Nara and Rock Lee, were sitting in a room, minding their own business when all of a sudden the door knob to the closet began to wiggle. The wiggling became faster and faster as the man on the other side of the door became more and more frustrated. Soon after, the door came flying open, hitting the hard wood floor with a crash. The hinges on the door fell to the floor as well. Two men came tumbling out, enormous smiles amongst their faces. One of the men who came was wearing an orange jump suit and had blonde spiky hair. The other one was wearing a dark blue shirt, beige shorts and had black hair which was spiked in the back.

Then they both lost balance and toppled over, the black haired one above the blonde, face stuffed in the back of the blonde's hair.

"It appears we have a couple new recruits." Said Rock Lee, a guy with black eyes and short black hair wearing a green outfit as he witnessed the two men randomly appear in the room.

"Finally… it's been getting a bit lonely on this side." Replied Shikamaru, the one with longer hair but tied up in the back, wearing a dark gray shirt and shorts. He paused a moment as it finally registered in his mind who it was that decided to burst violently out of the closet. "Oh, what do you know? It's our very own Sasuke and Naruto! I've been waiting for you two to come out!" He greeted them.

The two both stood up and Sasuke, the one in blue spoke, "Did you ever realize that you hair strongly resembles a big yellow marshmallow?"

"Heh… no I didn't. Why, did you land on it?" He replied.

"Yeah… and I didn't get a concussion…" He said sounding relieved. "Thank goodness for Naruto's marshmallowy hair!"

"Hey, Shikamaru! Wait a minute… you aren't gay! What about Ino-chan?" Naruto pointed out. "And neither are you! "He said while pointing to Lee.

The two blushed a little across the bridge of their noses. "Naruto, we've always been gay… secretly." Lee stated nonchalantly.

Naruto and Sasuke tried to digest what Lee had just told them. Meanwhile, Shikamaru spoke up, "Hey, you three! What do you say we go to the bar and have a drink? It's on me." He offered.

"Alright!" Sasuke and Naruto shouted at the same time. Naruto looked over at Sasuke like he couldn't believe what he had just said. It was most likely the most enthusiastic he had ever seen his friend.

"Iruka-sensei! Have you seen Naruto and Sasuke-kun?" A girl with shoulder-length pink hair named Sakura asked her former teacher.

"No, I haven't. But I think I know where they are…" He replied to her. He didn't say exactly where it was but he led the way.

Sasuke, Naruto, Shikamaru and Lee walked into the Yaoi Bar and looked around.

"Isn't it amazing how so many people in this village are gay, but you never know it until you cross over, yourself?" Lee said with a hint of satisfaction in his voice. Naruto laughed and they walked over to the bar. When they sat down, Naruto and Sasuke looked to their left and they both saw someone they never would've expected to see in the _Yaoi Bar._

It was Kakashi-sensei, reading his "off-limits" novel, "Icha Icha Paradise". They both walked over to him to say hello.

"Hello, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto shouted, to draw his attention away from the book. Kakashi looked up.

"Hey boys. What are you two doing here?" he smiled.

"We're gay!" Naruto and Sasuke beamed at the same time. "What are you doing here?" Sasuke asked his sensei.

"I'm just reading my book and waiting for somebody." He replied happily, his visible eye curving in a happy-go-lucky sort of way.

"Oh. That's cool." Naruto said excitedly.

Kakashi continued reading his book so the two went back over to Shikamaru and Lee. They sat back down and directly in front of them were servings of Nigori Sake.

After they all had a couple drinks already, Naruto and Sasuke stood up on the bar table, ripped their shirts off and screamed, "Everybody dance!" Soon enough, every single guy (including Kakashi), stood up and danced their brains out. Everybody but Sasuke and Naruto were chanting, "Yaoi! Yaoi! Yaoi! Yaoi!"

After a few minutes of blasting music and dancing, the Yaoi Bar doors slammed open and two people walked in. One was Iruka-sensei who joined Kakashi. The other was Sakura who ran in the room. She looked up at Sasuke and Naruto with a deer-in-the-headlights expression. When she noticed what was going on she stared angrily at Naruto. Just before she was about to say something, the doors slammed open once again but this time, someone entered who would cause mass destruction. First came Zabuza and Haku, who had briefly come back to life from the dead. Then came Itachi Uchiha, Sasuke's older brother and lifetime rival, and his evil group of doom…

Zabuza, Haku, Itachi and others, grouped together and killed every last person in the bar. Soon enough, everyone was one hundred percent dead, except for the bartender, who –by the intense geniuses of Itachi- was secretly Orochimaru in disguise. Afterwards they all got drunk, rocked out hard to disco music and boogied down until they all passed out from over-exertion.

The end.

**Writer's comments:** Just imagine… Itachi doin' the disco with Orochimaru… it's bad ass!

**Writer's other comments:** Good times! W00t!


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